Losing Your Genuine Self

On the first day of my job, Aug 5th 2014 to be exact, which also happens to be the starting point of my first working experience in a.. ehem..“professional” environment,  I gave myself a promise:

“I will not become that person who hates his/her job..someone absorbed by corporate life so much that he/she becomes a soulless person.”

Reader: “Wow, this is kinda childish.. Is this actually a line from a shounen anime haha..”

Me tbh

Sooo.. this idea struck me recently. I truly feel like I’m losing my genuine self and it feels awful. 😦 Yesterday I caught myself behaving unnecessarily impatient and aggressive about some issue.. I immediately tried to rollback to “real me”, but this whole thing got me perplexed.

That was not me.. such an attitude was not constructive, not at all. Why would I stress about something that is so insignificant? It is just a task after all..

I don’t know. Maybe it is disgusting office politics, maybe it is due to my manager’s invasive and abusive attitudes, maybe it is being “professional” as Linus Torvalds himself explained here.

I am not happy, and I think I have legitimate reasons for that. For example, why would some group of people, who are on the higher steps of hierarchy, decide to hire someone after testing his/her skills and then do not let them do anything without their approval ?
…*crickets chirp*…
 I honestly cannot comprehend.

Reader: “Aaaah.. The good old micromanagement..”

*Darth Sidious voice* Yeeees.. But let’s talk about that later.

Soooooooo..I feel like my creativity is slowly being extinguished and I’m losing my authentic self. I need to find a new job that is much more employee-friendly and humane.


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